The Big Gay Marriage Farce

Growing up I only vaguely remember hearing about the gay rights movement, at least until college. As a Gen Xer, Ellen's coming out story was ground breaking and her ongoing success blows my mind despite the headway the gay community has made in recent years.

 

Still, that headway itself is sometimes frustrating.

 

Maybe it's frustrating simply because of my age. Unlike many before me, I came out in college and enjoyed much of my youth being myself. But unlike the Millennials after me, much of my youth felt like part of a secret society, a private club that didn't only embrace the gay community, but all societal misfits.

 

Take that, Society.

 

While society has changed largely for the better, it's hard not to fondly reminisce about a time that was not just a thrilling escape, but often more inclusive behind the closed doors of our bars and nightclubs than our open community today.

 

On the rare occasion that a gay related story found its way to the media in the 80s and early 90s, my ears would always perk up. I'd be curious, angry, and happy all at the same time, pretty much like any teenager struggling with his sexuality.

 

But one thing I never heard about until well into the 90s was the notion of marriage equality. I remember a dust up over civil unions in Hawaii sometime in the 1990s, and at the time I thought, "huh, that's a neat idea."

 

 

While marriage equality is great for same sex couples who want to raise families and get married, it's one cause in a pantheon of rights leading to complete equality, and one that leaves behind the misfits that helped us through our wonder years.

 

Many in the campaign have struggled to show the world "we're just like everyone else." Our community arduously seeks parallels in heterosexual couples and past movements for equal rights. 

 

 

But the difference between the gay rights movement and the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s is that we are different. Regardless of certain cultural characteristics that create the same ethnic diversity amongst religions and ethnicity, those who fought for racial equality in the 1960s were mostly men and women who lived and continue to live largely within the mainstream construct of marriage and family.

 

They wanted the right to live without fear of persecution, to have equal access to education and jobs, and to be able to walk down the street without being harassed. The fight for interracial marriage was just one part of the crusade.

 

Meanwhile, the gay rights movement has left many of us behind.

 

The HRC wants the world to know that we all want to settle down and get married. They want mainstream society to know that "we're just like you."

 

The problem is, we aren't.

 

Sure, we'd like to be treated like everyone else and enjoy the same freedoms and opportunities, one of which might be marriage, but what about those who may not be considering marriage, either now or in the future? What about bisexuals who may not want to choose?

 

The gay rights movement opened up a lot of questions about the traditional structure of our lives, and the organized politicos that hijacked the movement found it easier to shine by pretending to be someone else, and throw the misfits and unfortunates back in the closet.

 

HRC's fight for marriage equality makes it easy for mainstream society to accept us by bending to its mold. It's no surprise that the straight world has embraced the gay community now that our fight is focused primarily on traditions of straight couples.

 

Straight people are no longer burdened with accepting something they don't understand, but simply asked to accept the fallacy that we all wish to be lucky enough to live like them.

 

If marriage equality is the only right we're missing, then perhaps singling out this one cause is just. If that's the case, wonderful, we have little left to do.

 

But what about those abandoned by their families? Next time someone shares photos of their lavish Montauk wedding, think of the ones we've swept under the rug.

 

The marriage equality campaign has done something else. Singling out marriage equality and attributing it to the voice of all gay men and women casts an inadvertent prejudice on those who don't embrace it.  

 

The gay rights movement portrayed in the media is no longer aimed at celebrating diversity, just those who want to get hitched. The rest who, for whatever reason, don't want to get married are left to toil with the same prejudice we've always faced, plus a prejudice from those within our own community.

 

Our champions of cause are fighting for the country to embrace gay couples pushing baby strollers through Ambler and Jenkintown, dining at Friday's, and joining suburban book clubs.

 

Meanwhile the trailblazers who fought for our right to be different are being shoved back in the closet, gay bars and burlesque houses are being shuttered, and the counter-cultures that once simply wanted to be accepted as they are, are being asked to assimilate, or treated like burdens of the cause.

 

In that regard, my fondness for the past extends well beyond the nostalgic excitement of slipping into a private club and wondering if I'll get caught. It opens up a valid double standard that we've created for ourselves.

 

When we were struggling with our identity as gay men and women, we turned to other outsiders for support, and they turned to us. We kept each other optimistic. We counseled each other. They housed us when our parents threw us out. We had nothing in common other than the fact that we were different.

 

But these misfits who joined us in our dorm rooms have been ignored. Gay homeless teenagers still linger on the streets of our major cities. And anyone whose sexuality doesn't fall into a specific bucket is left without relief, while increasingly synonymous gay and straight mainstreams treat them like deviants.

 

Now that the rainbow has been usurped by HRC's corporate logo, our community has been stripped of its diversity, and those represented by the blue and yellow flag have been told we're no different than anyone else, instead of being told it's okay to be different.

 

 

If you want to be part of today's gay community, suit up and play the part. Reject the decadence and defiance that paved the way for those who dare asked to be married.

 

The colorful drag queens who once mocked bigotry and were the most fearless of us all are now a black mark on the campaign's quest to be boring.

 

Act straight and be normal.

 

We were once the community that challenged the notion of normality and that's the diversity I choose to embrace.

 

 

How to Vote in NC? Move to Another State

North Carolina didn't waste any time after the Supreme Court reached its "go forth and be racist" verdict. BuzzFeed compiled a nice little list regarding just how sticky it's going next time you try to vote in the Tarheel State.

Despite the fact that there were only 127 alleged cases of voter fraud in North Carolina's general election in 2012, conservatives in the state continue to rally behind the false notion that voting twice is swaying their state gay.

And regardless of that absurdity, most of their new restrictions have nothing to do with voter fraud and everything to do with making voting and voter registration less available.

Take a look:

The early voting period will be shortened by a week.
Why? Just, why?

Same day registration during the early voting period will be eliminated.
See above.

Straight party voting will be eliminated.
Please make sure you push EVERY BUTTON.

Party chairpersons will designate up to twelve poll "observers" to monitor polling stations.
In other words, security will be assigned to profile voters. "Move along, you're taking too long."

16 and 17 year olds will not be allowed to pre-register.
Since younger people are less likely to vote, most register as part of a class assignment. Since younger voters tend to be more liberal, Republicans can sleep well knowing that 18 year old high school grads probably aren't registered, and won't find their way to the voting booth.

College and local government IDs will no longer be accepted.
College students and government employees tend to be more liberal. See above.

Out of precinct voting will be eliminated.
Just to make it a little harder to get there.

Satellite locations will be restricted.
Again, just to make it harder.

Paid voter registration drives will be banned.
I'm pretty sure this is unconstitutional.

Counties will not be able to extend voting hours do to long lines or any extenuating circumstances.
So pretty much anyone who doesn't work 9-5 or can't take an extra break to vote, can't.

MSNBC Raking Their Own Muck

MSNBC news correspondents are organizing against an upcoming Hillary Clinton miniseries planned by NBC. It's not entirely clear why they consider the miniseries a bad idea, but there are certainly reasons the reaction can be in some way justified.

On one hand, NBC's liberal reputation timed with an upcoming Presidential election along with unsupported claims that Hillary has eyes on the ticket looks a little like propaganda. On another hand, there is a huge firewall between MSNBC and NBC, one largely ignored by those who tune in to either. And (let me find a third hand), the RNC has already claimed they'd boycott any MSNBC debate unless NBC agrees to pull the miniseries, obviously lumping them in with the camp that don't see the firewall.

With Chuck Todd giving the media the bird, joining Andrea Mitchell and (the somehow journalistically qualified) Alec Baldwin in the fight against their employers, MSNBC reporters are turning themselves into the story, breaking the cardinal rule of journalism: report the news, don't make it.

Well, cry me a river, Chuck and Andrea.

This is one of the demons that comes with a conglomerate’s privilege of owning absolutely everything, right down to the viewers’ opinions. If you want to work absent of corporate conflicts of interest, write a blog. Considering everything owned by the Legion that runs NBC and MSNBC, it's a wonder that they're ever allowed to report on anything. Then again, if you actually listen to what most of the network's reporters say, they don't.

I’d be a little more sympathetic if MSNBC wasn’t a member of the trifecta of self indulgent media outlets that forces me to turn to BuzzFeed and Cracked.com for news.  

I love Hillary and I’m a raging liberal, but I’m sick of pious pundits smugly lecturing each other in Beltwayease, telling us what we already know, and preaching to the choir just to sell ad space. Pulling in an actor employed by NBC not only enforces the absent firewall between the two networks, but also proves that MSNBC's journalists are only slightly more credible than a cast member from the Jersey Shore.  

Remember what happened to TLC and the Discovery Channel? MSNBC is a few short years away with what is already scripted reality. They're providing us entertainment, not news, and it’s only a matter of time before most people wise up and realize the Jurassic Journalism raked by the major media networks is about to be as dead as the newspaper.

If the RNC's boycott of MSNBC wasn't justified by some silly miniseries, they've got a good reason now:

MSNBC calls this integrity?

Russia's Growing Pains

While the United States does not yet wholly support gay rights, with plenty of vocal and downright viscous opposition from extremely conservative minorities, the United States has come a long way in the past thirty years.

Despite criticism from other, more liberal western countries the size of Michigan, the United States will always struggle with tolerance being the diverse grab bag of opinionated nonsense that our people tend to be.
 
It's easy criticism, and easy to overlook the fact that legalization of gay marriage in any European country isn't comparable to our inevitable legalization of the same. The fact that 17 American states will marry same sex couples, and our federal government recognizes it as well, is a feat unlike any other.

We're the world's biggest melting pot of nut jobs, or more sympathetically, cultural diversity. Getting just one state to agree to legalize something that prompted parental discretion disclaimers in 1990 is an unparalleled accomplishment.

As each American state decides whether to legalize or outlaw gay marriage based on its government's interpretation of the Constitution, some European nations have legalized gay marriage despite overwhelming opposition.

Each state may not recognize gay marriage, but it says more that over half of our citizens support gay marriage than it does that France nationally legalized gay marriage despite the fact that almost 30% of its citizens say they wouldn't even want to live next door to a gay couple.

Of course I'm certainly not saying that the legalization of gay marriage in France is a bad thing, just as it won't be bad when the feds finally step in and force our lingering Hate States to do the same. Minorities need to be protected for the very fact that they're minorities. They'll always be enough bigots hiding in pockets of any country to vote away their neighbors' rights.

The United States is starting to look a little less like we're late to the party and a little more like just another big gay fruit basket. 

However Russia, once on the verge of becoming a major ally after a very long war is quickly distancing itself from the western culture its citizens briefly and radically embraced. Maybe they wouldn't be so cranky if they hadn't kicked off democracy by opening a McDonald's.

Russia is working on a slew of barbaric laws criminalizing homosexual "propaganda," bills expected to pass in the upper houses and signed into law by President Vladamir Putin. Although Russia decriminalized homosexuality shortly after the fall of the Berlin Wall, the new bill will criminalize anyone promoting a lifestyle not conducive to procreation.

This is stirring up emotions in Russia's increasingly "out" population, but also sparking concern among Olympians set to perform in the 2014 Winter Games to be held in Sochi, Russia. The new laws will allow the government to arrest and detain foreigners they perceive to be promoting a homosexual lifestyle, and in the wake of public "It Gets Better" videos, Olympic coming out stories, and supportive friends and family, advocates that have made their opinion public on YouTube are understandably queasy about heading to Russia in six months.

It's also concerning that Russia's track record in the Olympics can be most politely described as "nationalistic," while many might call the country's sportsmanship downright poor. I'm not suggesting that Russia would detain any Olympians on the grounds of their sexuality to give their own athletes leg up, but I wouldn't put their Olympic officials above harassment or intimidation either.

Among other laws that Russia has proposed to discourage homosexuality, Russia will also be prohibiting the adoption of Russian children in any country that recognizes gay marriage, even if that child would be going to a straight couple in an American state that doesn't recognize gay marriage.

Of course all this might be perfectly timed to united Americans, even conservatives, against a common enemy of tolerance. After all, a lot of Americans opposed to gay marriage don't want to be on the side of outright bigotry. These archaic laws being handed down by a country many Americans once viewed as a rather reasonable peer might just show a lot of conservative Americans just how petty they're being.

It's just unfortunate that after thirty years of democracy, many Russians seem fed up with trying to accept opinions that they'd rather see subjugated behind an Iron Curtain.

It's sad, but I guess not so surprising. The nation shuttered its people from the world for about forty years. They dove into a capitalistic democracy headfirst with a midcentury understanding of what it meant. They were expecting I Love Lucy and got Will & Grace.

Getting many Russians to tolerate the 21st Century is like asking Grover Cleveland to pull up his Netflix queue on an iPad.

Half of them are cynical Ayn Rands who view anything counter productive as waste, like homosexuality. The other half have been squashed by the upper class and blame their poverty on western influences, like homosexuality. While the few in the middle, those who actually explored the world with an open mind, are trapped in the middle.

West Hollywood nightclubs are boycotting Russian vodka to protest these laws, but it might not end at the bar. Is a national Olympic boycott unrealistic? Keep in mind, the last time Russia hosted the Olympic Games in 1980, twenty nine countries competed in the American-led Olympic Boycott Games, or Liberty Bell Classic, in Philadelphia.

Florida: The New Old South

I don't have to say anything about the George Zimmerman trial. If you don't know what it was all about you probably aren't reading this. So I'm simply going to point to Florida's recent track record as America's segregated water fountain.

Unfortunately the back of the bus is nothing compared to what Florida's District Attorneys and jurors have been throwing at its state's minorities this year.

16 year old Kiera Wilmot was arrested for felony misconduct when a science experiment blew the lid off a water bottle, a charge that could have potentially landed her in prison as a domestic terrorist. The same District Attorney declined to file any charges when a nearby boy accidentally shot and killed his younger brother.

Kiera is black, the boy who shot his brother, not.

High school student Kaitlyn Hunt was arrested for child abuse when she continued a long term relationship with a freshman after turning 18 while countless other Florida high school students continue their relationships with underclass students long after graduation. Kaitlyn faces potential prison time and registering as a sex offender.

Kaitlyn was dating a girl.

George Zimmerman was cleared of all charges for killing Treyvon Martin in what he claims was self defense while Jacksonville's Marissa Alexander was sentenced to twenty years in prison after firing warning shots in her own home against her abusive husband, a man she had a protective order against. Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law states a victim of a crime is allowed to immediately retaliate in defense, and was used to help Zimmerman's defense clear him of all charges. Alexander used it in her defense to no avail.

Marissa Alexander is black.

Welcome to Florida: "You got your rights, now don't step out of line."

Fighting Prejudice with Prejudice

I always found bachelorette parties annoying, especially in gay bars. But then I inadvertently wound up in my sister's party and we found our way to Aqua Grill in Rehoboth Beach, DE. Finding myself on the receiving end of a reactionary double standard our own community created, and witnessing the aftermath of being asked to leave really disappointed me.

Not only did Delaware recently legalize gay marriage, but federal equality is recognized there as well...both situations that every woman (and gay man) in this party was well aware of. So how is this a slap in the face?

Plus, it's a beach bar, not a local, windowless tavern populated by curmudgeons that use their local watering holes like gay community centers. In fact, if you're that insecure about your sexuality, you probably shouldn't be seeking out a bar to cope.

 

You don't fight prejudice with prejudice.

 

Luckily each of these women was understanding and has been a long time ally of our community and no sour experience will spoil that.

What's astonishing is just how inconsiderate this attitude is. Sure, these parties can be a bit annoying, but it's a once in a lifetime celebration. While expelling these parties might quell the insecurity of the few annoyed by their very presence, salvaging the evening for a handful of gay men unable to turn the other cheek leaves a lasting impression on a group celebrating an event that they will likely never experience again and  will remember for the rest of their lives.

Of course none of this bigotry compares to the blatant statement from the manager that the bar caters to men, and that he waited to say something to us at first because three me were in our party. I know this is common in our "gay bars," but it's also 2013. I'm dumfounded that misogyny prevails in the gay male community.

 

In fact, given the reaction from straight men throughout the night, the sexism on the part of Aqua far exceeds anything I saw all night.

Bars in Delaware aren't allowed to ask gay men to leave, how does it do ourselves any favors to expressly discourage an entire gender from our public establishments?

 

Aqua needs to update its website, which clearly states, "Aqua Grill is a gay-owned and operated establishment, but welcomes everyone and features an eclectic mix of avid party-goers, locals, adoring fans and weekly tourists."

 

All American Boy

The latest YouTube sensation is young, hot, gay, and...country. Steve Grand's self funded video for All American Boy blew up the social media today, garnering an outpouring of support from around the world.

Surprisingly though, reaction within our own community was mixed.

Grand was no star. He had no agent, no manager, no record label, and risked the $7000 he scraped together to produce a video and post it on the internet.

The video follows the friendship of two men, one gay, one straight, each balancing the frustrations that come with having a crush on a friend, and wanting to just be friends.

Were it a girl and a boy, it would have been just another cliché Taylor Swift video.

Unfortunately some of the reaction within the gay community proved that we can occasionally be our own worst enemy. While some reactions sympathized with the excitement that comes with the fantasy of lusting over a straight guy, some were downright visceral, claiming the video called gays "sad, predatory drunks."

Neither do the video justice and both speak from cynicism and segregated isolation.

Ironically those calling Grand's video a self loathing glutton for gay bashing are confusing openness with integration and acceptance. The best thing about this video is it steps outside the polarizing gay-only world most of us feel we have to subscribe to and hands us a fictional scenario where no one gives a shit.

We should all be so lucky.

Mark S. King, blogger for The Bilerico Project attempts to defend the gay community buy using every negative stereotype to his advantage, neglecting to identify with a growing trend amongst straight millennials who view their gay brethren as equals.

One sad fact about the gay community may prove to be our own silver lining. The truth is, as a community we have nothing innately in common with each other but our attraction to our own gender.

Divergent sexual orientation doesn't choose a race, religion, ethnicity, or nationality. It happens to everyone. The sad fact is that a minority only bound by those we choose to love strives for acceptance by resorting to cold, political strategy, when all we really need to do is show the rest of the world we're just like them.

We crush. We reject. We face rejection.

Just like everyone else.

The brilliance in Grand's video lies within it's simplicity. It speaks from the heart, not the podium. As gays and lesbians continue to gain acceptance the lines between straight and gay can and should blur.

His portrayal of a boyhood crush might not be realistic yet, but it's what we should hope for. We've all rejected and been rejected. Grand's video turns our expectations upside down by replacing the benign rejection of "you're not my type" with sexual orientation by ignoring the false notion that it should be any different.

That's a good thing.

Reacting to the outpouring of support from both his gay and straight audience, Grand stated, "I would die a happy man today...and it's the first time in my entire life I can say that." Instead of seeking support from our own ugly stereotypes, let's enjoy the fact that we too can say the same.