The Unreal Oneal

Get ready for the Reid-Bynes-Lohan School of Hollywood Hard Knocks, kid. In a recent Vulture article, The Real O'Neals lead Noah Galvin levied a curse-laden slew of insults at Colton Haynes, director Bryan Singer, and Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet. 

It sounds like he really took playing a young Dan Savage to heart.

He called Haynes coming out, "fucking pussy bullshit," said Bryan Singer "likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them," and slammed Stonestreet's role in Modern Family as a caricature. Somewhere within his rant, he managed to slip in a backdoor brag about a confused guest-star hitting on him.

Sounds like a catch, right? 

In each of these cases, he could have made a point. He could have said that his own coming out story was much simpler than Haynes', and that both of them are making it easier for aspiring gay actors. He could have referred to Singer's controversial lawsuits without resorting to slander. And he could have respectfully criticized Stonestreet's performance as an older gay man, while admitting a lack of understanding for the generation Stonestreet represents. 

But he's a kid in Hollywood, and a green one at that. The Real O'Neals is his first major role, with small credits dating back only three years. Gay or straight, he's not the first Hollywood rookie to dive into the spotlight without considering the backlash. Let's face it, he thought he was being funny. Few gay men amongst us didn't resort to nastiness to land a laugh in our teens and early 20s. 

But it wasn't funny, it was just mean. 

The backlash hasn't hit, and who knows if it will. Galvin's words were so extreme and off-the-cuff, his co-stars - even Dan Savage - may not know how to respond. Those he insulted may have taken his belligerence into consideration and decided to avoid a potential Twitter war.

I hope Martha Plimpton is as much a mother on the set as she is in character. If anyone understands the double-edged sword of fame, she does. As a member of the Carradine family, I'm sure she's learned a thing or two about what can be said - and shouldn't be said - in the public eye. She's likely got some tough love for him next time they're on the set together. 

The "I know best" mantra of the early 20-something is nothing new, and certainly not exclusive to gay men. It's also never been an attractive trait. Perhaps had his rants been aimed at his peers - gay men who were already out when they landed their first gig - it might have been better received, or at least excused as a youthful indiscretion. 

Ugly Betty's Mark Indelicato comes to mind, and at least one from the cast of Glee. But the uplifting coming out stories and incidental transitions of his peers don't trend, and they don't fit the nasty narrative Galvin is confusing with humor. Hollywood politics aside, that's what this is about, and that's what's so sad. 

He's claiming to buck the trend of clichés by playing right into them. His humor only has ground in negativity, a pessimism that can't even appreciate how lucky he is. What's more cliché than "the bitchy queen" - critical of everything and everyone - without relating any of it back to himself?

Like Haynes or Singer, Galvin has no professional obligation to his community, a point he hypocritically made shortly after bashing them for lacking in their obligation to their community. 

But that doesn't change the public's perception. Had a straight actor new to the scene made these comments, the public would brush it off as a kid being a kid. But this kid's gay, and on ABC, a network as new to the gay world as himself. To many fans of The Real Oneals, Catholic families who've grown to identify with its lovable characters, Galvin's comments are laced with the notion that gay men might all be this nasty. He may not have an obligation to address that, but I think he's about to be introduced to an unfair world in which he soon realizes he should.

*UPDATE

Queue the apology in 3...2...1...

Variety

Wow, that was fast.

To be fair, his apology sounds as earnest as it gets, particularly understanding how new he is to Hollywood. He let fame go to his head, and he got carried away. I still can't help but picture a stern Martha Plimpton fresh to the set, "So, you learn your lesson, kid?"

Iran's Modern Family

In what the Huffington Post has called "disheartening," the Islamic Republic of Iranian Broadcasting has copied the hit American sitcom Modern Family with its own Haft Sang. 

What's disheartening about Iran copying a show that promotes the morals of the modern American family? 

Well it leaves out Mitch and Cam, the show's gay characters and their adopted baby, of course, replacing them with a straight couple and their adopted baby.

But it's not shocking and the only ones who should truly be outraged are the show's creators, writers, and directors. International copyright laws aren't often enforced in Iran and many other countries. Russia copied Always Sunny in Philadelphia, obviously downplaying similar content perceived to be pro-gay. Although in the case of москве всегда солнечно, it may be more likely that Russian writers simply didn't get the show's satire and assumed that Always Sunny's slurs are meant to be literal.

Haft Sang

Iran is a different story though and this bit of western influence, even without its gay couple, is a good sign. Unlike Russian culture which was cut off from the world in the 1940s and is struggling to catch up, Iran was only severed from modern ideology in 1979. Plenty of Iranians remember a nation not unlike others in the 1970s. Read Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis for more on that. It's funny, charming, and sad.

Haft Sang has upset some conservative Iranians, primarily because it borrows from an American show that allegedly promotes homosexuality. Parliament's Culture Committee has stated that IRIB will appear before legislators regarding the show's originality. It's not the first American show that has been copied in Iran, but the American version has a sizable viewership online in Iran, perhaps prompting the IRIB to offer a localized version.

What many may perceive to be a conservative move is actually bold in an insular country with rigid laws against homosexuality, a crime punishable by death. The fact that the IRIB is tiptoeing into the comedic foibles of any modern family to cater to a public that already seeks this humor online is a step in the right direction. 

The impact that the mainstream media has had on the United States over the past twenty years is astounding, and it's finding its way to smart phones and iPads around the globe, showing those laughing from Tehran and Moscow, "we're funny, just like everyone else."