Failure to Launch

Failure to Launch is more than just a bad movie. It's also a common term for what some might even refer to as arrested development. Why am I talking about it on a gay blog about gay things? Because so many gay men, especially under 30, seem to be stuck at home, sleeping on the same twin mattress they've had since grade school.

Why? Who knows, but over 21M Millennials live at home. Have gay Millennials, less afraid to come out to their parents, never felt the push to adventure beyond home? Has the upswing in the luxury housing market discouraged a generation from looking for an apartment before they're in a position to buy? Or are they simply content to enjoy their freedom from the coddled security at the shores of their parents' garage? Of course that's rhetorical. There's no real freedom on the parental home front.

Sometimes there's a valid excuse. Student loans can be a burden, and the more responsible choose to pay them off quickly. Rent and utilities can hinder that. Some have chosen to go back to school offering the same obstacles. Some are burdened with healthcare concerns for a variety of reasons. Others have older parents with assistive needs, and single gay offspring are often willing to help.

But more and more find absolutely no reason to leave the nest.

When I was 18 in 1994, leaving home was a right of passage. Whether you were leaving for college or your first apartment, it was thrilling. I lived in dorms during college, so I eased into independent living. But even by my junior year I was ready to try living on my own. At 20 my first apartment was in an iffy part of Washington, D.C. It was cheap, riddled with cockroaches, and the neighborhood was somewhat dangerous. But it was mine. I wanted to kiss the walls.

I ultimately had to trash all my furniture because it was infested with bedbugs, but that didn't deter me and since have never met with a desire to ever return to my childhood bedroom. I grew up like one should, how one should. I learned about the challenges of securing a lease, paying utility bills, and dealing with loud drag queens rehearsing on the floor above me at 3AM before I could legally drink.

My parents held my hand through the process, but from the distance of qualified parents who knew they didn't want a perennial child.

Don't let this happen to you.

Many who fail to launch will be faced with trading parents for boyfriends, inevitably leading to a rough transition at best. Others will be consistently faced with a string of boyfriends unwilling to embrace such an awkward transition. Finding any apartment can be a challenge, and many people well into their thirties aren't looking for any apartment, they're looking for a good one or a home. Meanwhile those who've never left the security of their parents are still struggling with the concept of laundry and groceries.

If you see no reason to leave home by twenty five (and I'm being gracious), it speaks to a larger issue than simply living at home. The problem is that you - and your parents - see no reason for you to live independently. You have not yet segued into adulthood and the blind drive for independence doesn't exist.

The lack of excitement, the missing motivation of the should-be 20-something, the absent need for freedom speaks volumes about those who drown in their childhood bedroom. They're unmotivated, entitled, underemployed, and worse, they fail to see how each of these undesirable traits enable the next, circling the drain of uselessness.

I'd be the last person to criticize someone without a college education, the artists and Bohemians who have chosen a life outside of a world of recruiters and cubicles. In fact I applaud them, but only those who succeed as independents. Those who are merely content with a permanence of a lifestyle meant to be temporary serve nothing to the society outside of the house the falsely call their own.