Thursday, June 9, 2016

The Unreal Oneal

Get ready for the Reid-Bynes-Lohan School of Hollywood Hard Knocks, kid. In a recent Vulture article, The Real O'Neals lead Noah Galvin levied a curse-laden slew of insults at Colton Haynes, director Bryan Singer, and Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet. 

It sounds like he really took playing a young Dan Savage to heart.


He called Haynes coming out, "fucking pussy bullshit," said Bryan Singer "likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them," and slammed Stonestreet's role in Modern Family as a caricature. Somewhere within his rant, he managed to slip in a backdoor brag about a confused guest-star hitting on him.


Sounds like a catch, right? 


In each of these cases, he could have made a point. He could have said that his own coming out story was much simpler than Haynes', and that both of them are making it easier for aspiring gay actors. He could have referred to Singer's controversial lawsuits without resorting to slander. And he could have respectfully criticized Stonestreet's performance as an older gay man, while admitting a lack of understanding for the generation Stonestreet represents. 


But he's a kid in Hollywood, and a green one at that. The Real O'Neals is his first major role, with small credits dating back only three years. Gay or straight, he's not the first Hollywood rookie to dive into the spotlight without considering the backlash. Let's face it, he thought he was being funny. Few gay men amongst us didn't resort to nastiness to land a laugh in our teens and early 20s. 


But it wasn't funny, it was just mean

The backlash hasn't hit, and who knows if it will. Galvin's words were so extreme and off-the-cuff, his co-stars - even Dan Savage - may not know how to respond. Those he insulted may have taken his belligerence into consideration and decided to avoid a potential Twitter war.


I hope Martha Plimpton is as much a mother on the set as she is in character. If anyone understands the double-edged sword of fame, she does. As a member of the Carradine family, I'm sure she's learned a thing or two about what can be said - and shouldn't be said - in the public eye. She's likely got some tough love for him next time they're on the set together. 



The "I know best" mantra of the early 20-something is nothing new, and certainly not exclusive to gay men. It's also never been an attractive trait. Perhaps had his rants been aimed at his peers - gay men who were already out when they landed their first gig - it might have been better received, or at least excused as a youthful indiscretion. 

Ugly Betty's Mark Indelicato comes to mind, and at least one from the cast of GleeBut the uplifting coming out stories and incidental transitions of his peers don't trend, and they don't fit the nasty narrative Galvin is confusing with humor. Hollywood politics aside, that's what this is about, and that's what's so sad. 

He's claiming to buck the trend of clichés by playing right into them. His humor only has ground in negativity, a pessimism that can't even appreciate how lucky he is. What's more cliché than "the bitchy queen" - critical of everything and everyone - without relating any of it back to himself?

Like Haynes or Singer, Galvin has no professional obligation to his community, a point he hypocritically made shortly after bashing them for lacking in their obligation to their community. 

But that doesn't change the public's perception. Had a straight actor new to the scene made these comments, the public would brush it off as a kid being a kid. But this kid's gay, and on ABC, a network as new to the gay world as himself. To many fans of The Real Oneals, Catholic families who've grown to identify with its lovable characters, Galvin's comments are laced with the notion that gay men might all be this nasty. He may not have an obligation to address that, but I think he's about to be introduced to an unfair world in which he soon realizes he should.

*UPDATE

Queue the apology in 3...2...1...

Variety

Wow, that was fast.

To be fair, his apology sounds as earnest as it gets, particularly understanding how new he is to Hollywood. He let fame go to his head, and he got carried away. I still can't help but picture a stern Martha Plimpton fresh to the set, "So, you learn your lesson, kid?"

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